Noel Gallagher - Elle - 2006
N:Northerners are better at football and music,they dress better and have got better accents.They have a greater sense of identity family,community and who they are.And that's why they do it better.
...What is guaranteed to make you laugh?
N:Seeing a dog sticking its head out of the window of a moving car.That tickles me in a way I can't explain.And dogs in hats.You can't beat that.
...Why your girlfriend says you're the most unromantic person of your generation?
N:Because I don't cry at soppy things and have to be forced to be romantic for birthtdays and Valentine's Day.But how can you call the man who wrote Live Forever unromantic?It exasperates Sara that I'm a gruff northerner.Massaging girls' feet?F*** right off.
...How many guitars you own?
N:At the last count 97.If I see a guitar in a shop,regardless of whether I've got four of them,I think "I've got to have one in that colour".When they ask"Would you like to plug it in?"I say"No, but have you got a mirror?"Then I stand there and go "That looks f***ing great!"
...If you've been lost for words?
N:My gast has been flabbered on more than one occasion and it usually involves Liam.We were on tour with Black Crowes-the lead singer is Mr Kate Hudson-and her mam,Goldie Hawn,came into our dressing room.Liam said"Was she in that film about the army?"I said"Yeah and Liam went up and said"I really loved you in Saving Private Ryan".I said"It's Private Benjamin,tou lunatic"
...When you last went dancing?
N:I was a bit of a mover back in the day at the Hacienda,but as soon as you become famous you have to stop dancing.It's a rule.Because people are like"Isn't that guy from that group?Look the way he's dancing,the ####."
...How to make a cup of tea?
N:I am widely regarded as one of the greatest tea-makers to come out of Manchester.It's got to be a mug,preferably white.You need two teabags per mug and if they say"I don't take sugar","You f***ing do in this house".When you add milk,the tea's got to be the colour of the round toffees in Quality Street.
...What you couldn't live without?
N:My missus.She sorts my life out6:When I say that to her,she says"Have you been drinking?".But if she were a possession of mine,she'd be the last thing I'd give up.
...How Hard is it to give up fags?
N:I've never tried and I'm not going to.Even if I get lung cancer.Smoking looks cool.It particulary looks cool if you're wearing a black leather jacket and sunglasses.You're telling me anything looks cooler than that?
...How far is it too far when it comes to male beauty routines?
N:I'm a traditionalist.People say"It's alright for men to wear nail varnish now:"Well,no,it's not.Or"It's alright for men to wear sarongs".Again no it's not.It's not even alright for men to wear flip flops.Flip flops and the word latte,make me uncomfortable.
...What the greatest lesson you've learned is?
N:Between the ages of 15 and 30,go mad.Go bananas.But when you get to 30,settle down.If you carry on in your thirties and fourties like you were in your twenties that's not right.I remember going to the Hacienda,seeing people who were 35 and thinking "You wanna go home Granddad".Doing Es at 35?If you don't stop when you're 30,you have to stop when you're 35.
...How To avoid the blues?
N:Borrow someone's dog,put it in the back of the car and put its head out of the window.